Tuesday, 19 September 2017

smile, it could be worse...

I need a new passport. And I really need to get my finger out and send for it pretty soon. I've got the form. I've got a friend to sign the form. And I've got a photo.
The trouble is it's a crap photo. I had it taken for my Chinese visa in June. It's not the sort of photo you would wish to be stuck with on an important travel document for the next ten years. But I don't think having it retaken is gonna help. Turns out I look pretty old and ugly when I don't smile. And smiling is banned by the passport office. This photo is as good as it's gonna get.
Maybe in 10 years I won't think I look so old.....

Saturday, 16 September 2017

sweater weather

Time to get the jumper out. And wear it every day. For the rest of the year. And beyond.
I am sooo counting down to our hols. 14 weeks on Wednesday.
A couple of weeks away from the woolly pullies. Woohoo!

Friday, 15 September 2017

teenage jet lag

The eldest finished her exams in mid June and basically did naff all for the entire summer. She went to bed late and got up late. Every day. By the time she went back to school last week her body clock was in a totally different time zone. Somewhere in the mid Atlantic I'd say.
She has therefore found the transition into sixth form that bit more difficult. Dragging her grumpy arse out of bed at 7am has not been an easy, or pleasant, task. It all got too much for her yesterday. I thought she was a bit quiet. I went upstairs to investigate at 7.30pm. I found her fast asleep on her bed. Fully dressed. She's clearly suffering from extreme jet lag 🙄
So now it's the weekend. She can stay up late. And get up late. And we can do it all again next week. Yay. 

Wednesday, 13 September 2017

actually christmas is in DECEMBER so lay off the festive cheer...

People who post Christmas shiz all over instagram in September. Idiots. That is all.

Sunday, 10 September 2017

domestic goddess

When you're supposed to be doing the cleaning on a Saturday but you nick off with your sis and 5 kids and spend a lovely day in the park instead ...and put the cleaning off till Sunday. Then when Sunday arrives you nick off with the other half and the kids and go to Salts Mill instead ...and put the cleaning off till later. Then later you sit in your office and make an elephant pattern to fool yourself that you're working...
Then it gets to Sunday night and you can fool yourself no longer. So you decide to just clean the bathroom as a token gesture. But you faff about with a little blog post first. That.

Friday, 8 September 2017


Autumn doesn't mess about does it? September arrives and so does Autumn. Like whoa here I am, get your jumper on.
Not like Spring. Spring faffs about. Spring comes for a day in March, gets you all excited, then buggers off till May. Comes back for a few short bursts and then is never seen again. 
I quite like Autumn. At least you know where you are with Autumn. You can put the flip flops away and know that you defo won't be needing them again till next year. You can get the black jumper and the converse out, safe in the knowledge that that's your uniform till Spring pops it's random head round the clouds again. You have no expectations in Autumn. You know it's gonna be mainly cold, grey and miserable so you just get on with it. And cheer loudly whenever the sun comes out.
So keep smiling folks...and treat yourself to a new sweater...next stop ...Winter x

Wednesday, 6 September 2017

ski school

The youngest has this lesson once a week called "Applied Resilience" It's a made up subject with a made up name. They get a choice of topics they would like to study for the year. This year's choices involved such classics as "Costume Creations" (drawing clothes) "Learn through Film" (watching telly) "Construction" (woodwork) and "Thought Republic" (arguing)
He didn't choose any of the above.
Why would he when "Ski School" was on offer?
For a tenner a week someone drives them to Chill Factore in Manchester and they get to spend the afternoon messing about on the slopes.
Beats Maths I suppose.

Monday, 4 September 2017

back to school

School starts tomorrow. 
Yay to having the house back to myself during the day.
Yay to being able to get on with some work in peace.
Yay to only having to feed myself. Or not. Usually not.
Yay to other people not assuming that as I'm at home during the school hols I must be some sort of lady of leisure, available for impromptu chats and small errands.
Boo to having to set the alarm for stupid o'clock.
Boo to having to drag myself out of bed. Then drag everyone else out too.
Boo to rushing about like an idiot on a morning and screaming about teeth and shoes and homework.
And boo to the 8 million quid I just spent in Topshop, kitting the out eldest for sixth form.
Swings and roundabouts, people, swings and roundabouts.

Saturday, 2 September 2017

full house

We have a very full house tonight.
The youngest is having a sleepover. It's for his birthday. Which was last week but everyone was on bloody holiday then. Like we normally are. Like we will be again next year. Cos having a birthday at home when all your mates are away is a bit crap.
Anyway, we took them to the cinema to pass a bit of time. But now we're back and they're all a bit manic. The other half and I have legged it to bed and left them to it downstairs.
We have earplugs. 
We're gonna need them......

Friday, 1 September 2017

august 2017

This was August.
Quite productive considering I was sat on my arse in Spain for over 2 weeks.
I'm pretty sure I don't usually manage an August.
Yay me.

Thursday, 31 August 2017

hello lunch

I was taken out for lunch at my fave place, Salts Mill, today. By two lovely FancyLondonTypes. Awesome way to spend a Thursday 🤗

Wednesday, 30 August 2017


How to get out of ferrying everyone around and general crap errands: book your car in at a garage far away for a full day service. I did this yesterday. Worked a treat. The eldest had to catch an actual bus and everything!
I'm planning on having it "serviced" regularly now. I reckon if I park it round the corner and lie it'll save me from loads of unwanted jobs. 
Of course I had to call in the services of my Dad to actually drop me off and pick me up from the garage.
Luckily he doesn't moan like I do. 
You're never too old to use Dad's Taxi Services 😊

Saturday, 26 August 2017


It's international dog day.
I've got a dog.
I've been to the pub.
Am I too late to say I love my dog?

Thursday, 24 August 2017

exam results

Well done to my little princess for fabulous GCSE results today. She rocked it with an A*, 7 A's, 3 B's and a C in further maths (which she didn't even want to take.)
And I got an A* in Nagging, an A* in moaning and an A* in drinking Pimms whilst revising.
Awesome day for us both.

Tuesday, 22 August 2017

leave. me. alone

Trying to work in school holidays.
Bloody impossible.
Today went like this:
Did 30 minutes work.
Broke off to take the eldest to my sister's warehouse where she was helping out for the day.
Arrived back and was cornered by AlbertFromNextDoor for a chat. 
Was trying to escape when AlbertFromNextDoor's wife, Joyce, came out to extend the chat.
Finally escaped and did a bit more work before the mother-in-law phoned to say she'd made us an apple pie and had it with her at her friend's house down the road and could I please drive down and collect it straight away.
Got outside to find a massive van, belonging to a bloke with no teeth who was fixing JimFromNextDoorTheOtherWay's garage, blocking the drive. 
Reversed dangerously around him to be met by DavidFromAcrossTheRoad who stopped me for a chat and discussion about how they probably won't be getting a holiday this year. 
Collected the pie and arrived back, unseen by any further chatty neighbours, to carry on working.
Broke off to feed the youngest who had finally dragged his arse out of bed.
A bit more work before the youngest's mate, Peter, turned up to see if he wanted to go somewhere on his bike.
Broke off to sort the bike shizz out.
Just getting back into my work when the eldest texted to say she was ready to be collected and could I bring the following list of items (insert long list of items including jeans, shoes, multiple makeup items, GHD's and 75 quid to give to her friend for her ticket to Leeds Fest this weekend)
Spent about 200 hours trying to find all the crap on her list. Left the house. Reversed dangerously around the toothless bloke's massive van. Called at the bank to get the 75 quid and went to collect the eldest.
Arrived at the same time as UK Mail and helped load all the customer orders they'd been packing onto the van.
Went to pick up the eldest's friend, Fiona, and delivered them both to another friend's house.
Did some more work. 
The eldest texted to say she was ready to be collected.
By this time the toothless garage man had buggered off so this saved time with my reversing and I collected number one daughter in record time.
Made food for both starving kids.
Made food for the other half and myself.
Ate the food.

Then I started work.

I'm seriously thinking of going to sit in my car somewhere in the middle of a field tomorrow just so that I can work without any sodding interruptions.