Of course it wasn't simply a case of transporting them to the photo place and getting them to say cheese. The big one was at her friend's house after staying over. And had no makeup on. (And she won't even go to the co-op without her full slap on never mind allow someone to photograph her for an official document) And the little one looked like a coconut due to a distinct lack of hair cutting for like at least 3 months.
So I picked the big one up from her friend's. Dropped her at home with orders to get ready pronto. Then took the little one to the barbers.
Now the barbers used to be owned by Derek. Derek the Demon Barber. But Derek retired last year. A woman bought the shop. A woman with fancy ideas. A woman who has gradually replaced the 70's plyboard panelling and lino with something a little more contemporary. A woman who has also started doing women's hair! By appointment!!
The whole point of Derek's was that you could just walk in and sit on the plastic chairs with a load of blokes and wait your turn. I took the little one a couple of weeks ago and was told she'd be at least 45 minutes before she finished this woman's perm! PERM! In Derek's! Whatever next!
Anyway yesterday we turned up and there were no women with rollers in. Just one bloke waiting and one kid having a happy haircut. By a not so happy young girl. No idea where Derek's replacement was but she had been replaced by a replacement-replacement. Who had the personality of a dead fly. And was really not up to Derek's super speedy short back and sides with a bit of witty banter. We waited like forever for our turn. By the time we left there were about 5 blokes waiting behind us. In silence. No-one said a word the whole time. Especially Miss NoPersonality.
Anyhow...we went back home to collect the big one who by this time had had AGES to get ready.
...Only to find she was in the bloody bath!!!
I had a major meltdown. She never leaves the house without spending at least an hour doing all that contouring crap they do these days. And her hair takes Like. For. Ever. to dry. I shouted till my head hurt and stomped about like a 2 year old. This was meant to be a quick bloody job not a full day event!
It took 2 hours and 15 minutes from picking her up to finally getting her in the car.
That's when we looked properly at the little one and realised that Miss NoPersonality was as rubbish at cutting hair as she was at providing stimulating conversation. He's now sporting this weird wonky short fringe style that I'm sure is not on trend anywhere in the western world...but will live on in the form of his official travel document until he is over 16 years old! (Think Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber)
Luckily the photographer was super efficient and we left there in superfast time. Mission Accomplished.
So that's it. My job is done. The next time they need a passport they'll be nearly 21 and 17 so they can sort the damn things out themselves!
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